buying back time
May 3rd, 2005 by Jareddarla and i visited a new church yet again on sunday. we've been trying for a few months now to figure out where we fit in. i think we're getting closer.
the teacher talked about making the most of time. i'll admit that when he started talking about this, my ears perked up. i immediately recognized that i don't make the most of my time. so i listened diligently.
he had a few points that he made about time such as:
- there is cumulative value in spending small amounts of time on something over a long period.
that's the hardest thing for me. i know that i should steadily spend time on something or another, but i lose focus. it's probably because of his second point:
- there are rarely any consequences for neglecting a single installment of time in any particular arena of life.
if i miss one quiet time or one day of working out, it doesn't mean much to me because i tell myself that i can do it the next day, or catch up later. but it all adds up. if i miss one day now, my chances of missing another day later greatly increase.
this next point blew me away.
- there is no cumulative value in the urgent things that we allow to interfere with what's most important.
if i have to work late one day and it interrupts something that i do every night, i miss out on value for my time. sure, being at work is important too, but it can't be more important than spending time with darla, or spending time with friends, etc.
the teacher used a passage in ephesians as his only scripture.
5:15-20 – “be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. instead, be filled with the Spirit. speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
and then i realized something. everytime i had read this passage, i thought it had something to do with not getting drunk. that's not it at all. it's instructions on how to use time, and getting drunk is an example of a waste of time.
and so i looked at my life. i remembered the time spent at gordy's house playing video games, making fun of jesse, and talking about useless crap. that's not what we were made to do.
and then i got a vision of what it would look like if we all caught on to this passage of scripture. i'm a long way away from being at that point. but i'm ready to try.
May 3rd, 2005 at 8:56 am
Gordy,
I don’t regret any of the time I’ve spent at your house. I agree, it is part of fellowship to hang out and just do things that you enjoy with your friends. The term “hanging out” kind of implies just sitting around being with each other. We may have spent hours playing video games, but it was an environment where we spent a lot of quality time together and got to know each other. I don’t think the inherent redeeming value of the video game time matters. We could have just as well been watching sports, braiding each other’s hair, or writing Shakespearean sonnets as far as I’m concerned. There was also some time spent in a less than positive manner, like making fun of Jesse, etc., but that’s not the issue we’re talking about here.
May 3rd, 2005 at 9:57 am
Is there even such thing as a waste of time? Every single moment was placed there by God before time even exsisted. Sure, you could probably be doing something better with the time you’re given, but everything you do, good or bad, has its designed purpose. I don’t regret a single moment of my life, Sure, many situations could have been handled better, many moments could have been spent doing something more productive, but I don’t consider any of my life a waste because every single moment of it has been a gift from God.
May 3rd, 2005 at 2:55 am
Wow. I sincerely hope that you don’t mean that the time you spent hanging out my house was wasted. I mean, I agree it would be silly of you to continue hanging out and playing games nowadays. You are married, and God has placed someone specific into your life, whom He wants you to build a significant and life-long relationship with. Obviously a different kind of relationship than what you experienced while hanging out with friends here.
But both are forms of fellowship — amongst Christian friends and with a Christian wife — I belive (or hope at least) have value in helping you become the man of Christ that you are striving towards. I do agree that ragging on others isn’t what Hebrews 10:25 is talking about, when it admonishes us to gather together, but the other things… those are all parts of spending time together, sharing our lives with each other, and encouraging one another.
If I have understood you correctly, then first, know that I am not mad in the slightest, but I am sad. And second, please honestly tell me how I might do this better. Because, I really belive in my goal of growing Men of God one relationship at a time. One friendship at a time. I see the games as a tool to reach out to the students where they are to begin those connections. I see the time spent discussing the topics of life as an opportunity to both grow those connections, so I can try my best demonstrate Christ to these students. If that truly isn’t happening, I suck.
May 3rd, 2005 at 4:16 am
I agree with Gordy. When I was in high school my time spent at Gordy’s was never a waste. I played music for God, I learned a lot of computer skills, I spent so good time fellowshiping with other christians. All of that time was very valueable. In fact I have been spending a little time over there recently, and while I proably won’t sit and pay a video game. It is good to be able to enjoy the company of some other christians.
May 4th, 2005 at 5:30 am
Ok, I never played video games at Gordy’s but I always had a ton of fun. And I got to know people really well. I know that in a city short on cheap, fun places to hang out, Gordy’s was a great place to go ‘cuz people were always there and we could hang out and just chill. It is important to have deep conversations, and we did that, but it’s also important to have goof-off times. Some of those ’silly’ times were the most meaningful, where I got to know people the best. Deep friendships are the types where you don’t have to make everything meaningful. You can enjoy just sitting in a room with them, shooting the breeze, or strumming on a guitar, or doing whatever. You know how many roadtrips to Cali got planned at Gordy’s? So many. And seriously, how many people are willing to open up their house like Gordy has done to provide a place for high school and college kids to hang out? Not many people. In fact, Gordy’s is the only person I know of who has done such a nice thing.
Plus, it shouldn’t have to be Gordy’s job to monitor how much people play video games or watch tv. That’s a personal choice. And if someone doesn’t want to put effort into building relationships, I don’t think it is Gordy’s job to force them to do so. Would people hang out there if he was a relationship/computer time nazi? Or someone who monitored conversations to make sure they were more than just “useless crap”? And God is the one building men of faith; Gordy is just an instrument in His hands. I think it is easy to blame others for poor choices that we make. I know I do the same thing. But, Jared, you probably would have been super pissed off if Gordy told you to go home or talk to people instead of playing those video games. Would you have been willing to listen to him, honestly?
I think you probably offended a lot of people, or at least the ones who read your blog, with the whole “useless crap” conversations. I don’t feel like I always talked about nonsense. Maybe you didn’t mean me, because I didn’t hang out there as much, but when you make blanket statements, it refers to us all.
At the same time, I’m glad that you realize that you need to spend your time more wisely, making it all count for the Kingdom. And if your relationship with God is at the top of your list of priorities, then the rest will fall into place. God will definitely honor your desire to live a more meaningful life. Look at where I ended up after getting sick of maintaining the comfortable bubble I had created for myself in the U.S. He might send you someplace like this. (o: It’s awesome! Good luck with your church shopping.
And please say hi to Darla for me. Do you still hang out with people from FBC? I’m moving to Flag in August and won’t be in the valley much in July, so I was wondering if I would even run into you guys. It would be nice to say hi or get a cup of coffee with Darla since we used to hang out. Well, enough from the peanut gallery. Cheerio.
May 3rd, 2005 at 5:54 am
gordy:
i believe that there are better ways that i could have spent my time than staring at a video game, even with a group of people. because of the lack of conversation that occurs, i can’t equate that in my mind to fellowship. now i realize that there were times when i had quality conversations with you and many others at your house. i very much appreciate those times.
but i can tell you this, many days i left your house wondering where the time went after spending the day playing video games. i strongly believe that is because i didn’t accomplish anything meaningful in the amount of time that was spent there.
i don’t really know how your game nights operate anymore. it’s been so long and you’ve probably changed them a bit. i can tell you that i rarely learned anything about the people that i spent time with at your house because i was rarely involved in conversation. now, i speak in reference to a few years back because in recent time, i’ve desired that conversation and have sought after it. i’ve also spent less time playing video games at your house in relation to the total amount of time spent at your house. i’ve learned far more outside of your house where video games are not a distraction.
now, know this: video games are a heavy distraction for me. growing up, it was the highlight of my week to play video games and that was all i desired. so to have your house as an outlet was somewhat of a detriment to me, although i’m not sure anyone could have realized.
i know that this upsets you, but i think that you should realize that i am a minority. i guess my recommendation to you would be to pay attention to the amount of time a particular student is spending playing games as opposed to communicating. in order to build better men, you need to make sure you’re maximizing that conversation while still having the appeal of video games. it can be very profitable in the long run for these students to have strong relationships with each other.
i’m sorry if what i said hurt you. it wasn’t my intention.
May 4th, 2005 at 6:26 am
Everyone, I appreciate your outpouring of good will, thanks.
Jared, thank you for your honestly and willingness to just say what is on your mind. And, while I certainly can’t decide for you what is and isn’t wasted time, from my personal perspective, the time *you* invested into *me* was not wasted.
I still remember when we first met. It was the same year that six of my closest friends all moved away. After three months of loneliness, I still hadn’t built any significant friendship. In my depression, I had lost about 25 pounds; there just wasn’t any reason to stay up after work for dinner.
One Sunday after church, I looked around for someone, anyone, who I could hang out with. That day you drove us out to Carl’s Jr for lunch. For the life of me, I can’t remember what we talked about. Even if we talked. I was still awe-struck that you all didn’t ostracize me. And you didn’t. For the first time in months, I had felt included.
That day was a turning point for me. In the years that have followed, I belive I’ve grown significantly. I’ve taken on new ministries. I’ve even changed the focus and reasons I rent out rooms here. Oh, sure, I know that if its God’s will, all of these things could have happened regardless of you or me. But, they did happen, and I can honestly point that one afternoon when group of high school students took a chance on loving me.
We are a product of all of the little things we do along the way, so know that little thing you did paid off big in my life.
Thanks Jared for being a part of my life.
May 4th, 2005 at 8:23 am
man… i don’t read blogs for two days and I miss my chance to be in a fight. quick… somebody else say something that could be easily misunderstood!
May 4th, 2005 at 9:16 am
ohh!! I will!… here goes…
For once I actualy agree with something Jake said.
May 4th, 2005 at 1:26 am
the only person responsible for how we spend our time, is ourselves. gordy’s willingness to open his home is one of the greatest acts of love that has ever been displayed in my life. calm in a world of chaos and disorder. fellowship when i had no friends. dinner when i had no money. would i have adapted to the world quicker if there were no gordy? i’d probably be far worse off at this point in my life. i think the bottom line is that gordy’s life and the way he uses his resources are acts of love, and worship. he is not responsible for how people take advantage of his generosity. we are the one’s responsible, the fact that he continues to give despite all we’ve taken is a testiment to where his focus is.
that being said, i think that in a perfect world, there would have been more balance in the way we chose to spend our time at gordy’s. however, again, i believe that the lack of any real god-centered relationships were a result of our own lazyness, and not of gordy’s generosity.
May 4th, 2005 at 1:29 am
also, in defense of jared, it doesn’t seem like he meant for his post to be an attack on gordy’s actions, or intentions.
May 4th, 2005 at 2:18 am
Alan, you braid hair? I’ve been missing out.
May 4th, 2005 at 5:38 am
Aww, we love Jesse…
May 4th, 2005 at 7:30 am
i think this may have turned into something larger than i planned. and maybe i was misunderstood or maybe i didn’t communicate this well enough. i don’t think that all time spent at gordy’s was a waste of time. like katie, i can remember time spent there that was really meaningful or insightful. but at the same time, i remember spending hours upon hours of time there playing video games by myself or with a few other people and i wasn’t interacting with anyone. i was just staring at a screen.
now because gordy asked what he could be doing better, i mentioned that he could watch for things like this. if gordy had told me to go home of to start talking to people, i wouldn’t have liked it. but if gordy had said, “hey jared, do you want to hang out in here?” or “do you want to see if we can get some people together to play poker?” i would have been more responsive. i wasn’t suggesting that gordy be the supernanny of time spent on video games vs. conversation. also, i’m not suggesting that gordy did anything wrong in my time spent over there. the choice was mine and i am ultimately responsible.
and gordy, i do appreciate your friendship. see “lessons from making a friend” in the writings section. it was written 4 – 5 years ago.
all this being said, my original blog attempt was to point out the usefulness of time. i know that i need to spend my time better than i do right now. i know that i’m not investing time in longterm goals like i should be and i haven’t been investing time in people. the original idea was not to bash gordy’s house, in fact it was mentioned in passing as a way that i thought i had wasted time, specifically by playing video games, making fun of jesse, and talking about useless crap. while i recognize that i spent a lot of good time there, i see those activities as inefficient uses of my time. it reminds me of a song by casting crowns called “here i go again”. the singer talks about his inability to witness, although, in light of the passage mentioned in the blog, i believe the same applies for time spent with christians.